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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Paradox
Hey
Overcome
Overcoming
Sex
Marriage
Impossible
Learn
Logically

More quotes by Emo Philips

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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think it speaks to the heart of every faith. It goes “Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.”
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
Emo Philips