Quote

I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Nothing
Bill
Much
Bills
Way
Saws
Would
Cost
Left
Psychologist
Found
Realised
Thought
Cheer
Home
Depression

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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, I'd like a card. He says, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him.
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