Quote

I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Home
Depression
Nothing
Bill
Much
Bills
Way
Saws
Would
Cost
Left
Psychologist
Found
Realised
Thought
Cheer

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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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