Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Gods
Concepts
Gift
Whole
Think
Thinking
Monotheism
Concept
More quotes by Emo Philips
When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
Emo Philips
I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
Emo Philips
I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
Emo Philips
A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
Emo Philips
I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
Emo Philips
Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
Emo Philips
Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
Emo Philips
I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
Emo Philips
The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
Emo Philips
If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
Emo Philips
My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
Emo Philips
I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
Emo Philips
I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
Emo Philips
I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
Emo Philips
People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
Emo Philips
New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, I'd like a card. He says, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him.
Emo Philips
My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?
Emo Philips
I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
Emo Philips