Quote

I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Better
Human
Mink
Humans
Fur
Looks
Teddy
Think
Dress
Thinking
Dresses
Dog
Animal

More quotes by Emo Philips

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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
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I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
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I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'
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I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
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Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
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A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
Emo Philips