Quote

They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Beach
Glasses
Sign
Feel
Feels
Particles
Think
Bottles
Thinking
Glass
Like
Sand

More quotes by Emo Philips

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Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
Emo Philips
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
Emo Philips
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My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
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When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, Emo, don't go near the cellar door! One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.
Emo Philips
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
Emo Philips