Quote

They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Think
Bottles
Thinking
Glass
Like
Sand
Beach
Glasses
Sign
Feel
Feels
Particles

More quotes by Emo Philips

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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
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I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
Emo Philips
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A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
Emo Philips