Quote

Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Girlfriend
Forks
Gave
Dropped
Restaurant
Pushed
Chair
Chairs
Floor
Restaurants
Fork

More quotes by Emo Philips

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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
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