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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Girls
Careers
Girl
Anthropologists
Damn

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
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I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
Emo Philips
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
Emo Philips
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, I'd like a card. He says, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him.
Emo Philips