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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Humor
Stand
Emo
Lord
Hallelujah
Funny
Coaster
Fall
Coasters
Kids
Roller
Believe
Shout
Would
Dad

More quotes by Emo Philips

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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
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One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
Emo Philips
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
Emo Philips
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
Emo Philips
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
Emo Philips