Quote

When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Believe
Shout
Would
Dad
Humor
Stand
Emo
Lord
Hallelujah
Funny
Coaster
Fall
Coasters
Kids
Roller

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A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
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I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
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I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Emo Philips