Quote

A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Giving
Drink
Every
Gives
Like
Humor
Told
Mormon
Wonderful
Cups
Funny
Coffee
Wells
Keeps
Well
Benefits

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
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I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
Emo Philips
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
Emo Philips
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
Emo Philips
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They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
Emo Philips
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Emo Philips
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The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.
Emo Philips
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
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Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
Emo Philips