Quote

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, Emo, don't go near the cellar door! One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Never
Wonderful
Doors
Flowers
Like
Nice
Parents
Near
Funny
Humor
Grass
Tell
Tree
Trees
Emo
Away
Strange
Door
Cellar
Kids
Went
Sun
Cellars
Used
Parent
Flower
Pushed
Things
Seen
Saws
Walked

More quotes by Emo Philips

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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think it speaks to the heart of every faith. It goes “Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.”
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My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
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I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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