Quote

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, Emo, don't go near the cellar door! One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Funny
Humor
Grass
Tell
Tree
Trees
Emo
Away
Strange
Door
Cellar
Kids
Went
Sun
Cellars
Used
Parent
Flower
Pushed
Things
Seen
Saws
Walked
Never
Wonderful
Doors
Flowers
Like
Nice
Parents
Near

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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
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I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.
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I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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