Quote

In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Black
Males
Moments
Six
Place
Mercy
Turtleneck
Ever
College
Turtlenecks
Play
Roles
Auditioned
Comedy
Pompous
Made
Five
Rejected
Mind
Moment
Male
Never

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, Emo, don't go near the cellar door! One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
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Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
Emo Philips