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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Weapons
Tomorrow
Humor
Funny
Making
Country
Nuclear
Like
Countries
More quotes by Emo Philips
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
Emo Philips
New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, I'd like a card. He says, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him.
Emo Philips
When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
Emo Philips
Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
Emo Philips
They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
Emo Philips
I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
Emo Philips
I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
Emo Philips
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
Emo Philips
When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
Emo Philips
I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
Emo Philips
They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
Emo Philips
I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'
Emo Philips
I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.
Emo Philips
I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
Emo Philips
The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.
Emo Philips
I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
Emo Philips
I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.
Emo Philips
When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips