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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Countries
Weapons
Tomorrow
Humor
Funny
Making
Country
Like
Nuclear

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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
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I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
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I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
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