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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Trying
Goodness
Guys
Serious
Guy
Stolid
Funny
Gray
White
Suits
Kids
Corporate
America
Bunch

More quotes by Emo Philips

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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
Emo Philips
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
Emo Philips
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
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Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
Emo Philips
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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
Emo Philips
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
Emo Philips
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
Emo Philips
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You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.
Emo Philips
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
Emo Philips
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
Emo Philips
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For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
Emo Philips