Quote

It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Things
Turning
Like
Cat
Jokes
Amazing
Metaphorically
Wife
Upside
Find
Humour
Might
Joke
Come
Literally

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
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I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
Emo Philips
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
Emo Philips