Quote

It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Find
Humour
Might
Joke
Come
Literally
Things
Turning
Like
Cat
Jokes
Amazing
Metaphorically
Wife
Upside

More quotes by Emo Philips

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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
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My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
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I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
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A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
Emo Philips
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I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
Emo Philips
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
Emo Philips
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
Emo Philips
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I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think it speaks to the heart of every faith. It goes “Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.”
Emo Philips