Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
Emo Philips
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Like
Cat
Jokes
Amazing
Metaphorically
Wife
Upside
Find
Humour
Might
Joke
Come
Literally
Things
Turning
More quotes by Emo Philips
There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
Emo Philips
When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
Emo Philips
If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
Emo Philips
I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
Emo Philips
My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
Emo Philips
I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
Emo Philips
People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
Emo Philips
My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
Emo Philips
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Emo Philips
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
Emo Philips
I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.
Emo Philips
Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
Emo Philips
They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
Emo Philips
My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
Emo Philips
When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
Emo Philips
Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
Emo Philips
My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
Emo Philips
They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
Emo Philips
When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips
I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
Emo Philips