Quote

I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.

Emo Philips

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Trying
Near
Envelope
Going
Terms
Envelopes
Kind
Term
Mouse
Always
Getting
Tail
Things
Away
Tails
Like
Else
Mice
Thought
Pushed
Without
Cheese

More quotes by Emo Philips

Image
Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
Emo Philips
Image
My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
Emo Philips
Image
I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
Emo Philips
Image
My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
Emo Philips
Image
When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
Emo Philips
Image
If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
Emo Philips
Image
Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
Emo Philips
Image
I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
Emo Philips
Image
It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
Emo Philips
Image
Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
Emo Philips
Image
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
Image
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Emo Philips
Image
My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
Emo Philips
Image
I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
Emo Philips
Image
I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
Image
They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
Emo Philips
Image
Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
Emo Philips
Image
The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
Emo Philips
Image
When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips
Image
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
Emo Philips