Quote

The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Think
Help
Laboratory
Thinking
Helping
Subconscious
Like
True
Destroying
Fumbling
People
Home
Starts
Pretends
Back
Data
Assistant
Thing
Minds
Labs
Mind
Goes
Assistants
Love
Sleep
Tricky

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
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For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
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I read that nine out of 10 women fantasize about having an unknown man leap through their bedroom window at night and make mad, passionate love to them. Who would think with those odds, I would now be facing 150 hours of community service.
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I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
Emo Philips
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
Emo Philips
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
Emo Philips
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Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
Emo Philips
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
Emo Philips