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You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Greatest
Prize
Wife
Younger
Happy
Loving
Children
Fortune
Life
Fame
Married
Realize
Realizing
Consolation

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, I'd like a card. He says, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
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Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
Emo Philips
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
Emo Philips
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
Emo Philips
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
Emo Philips
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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
Emo Philips
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
Emo Philips
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
Emo Philips
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
Emo Philips
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
Emo Philips
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
Emo Philips