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I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Found
Hundred
Dollar
Ever
Along
Cheer
Much
Bits
Therapy
Would
Went
Pops
Therapist
Feeling
Bill
Strolling
Half
Bills
Therapists
Times
Realized
Bucks
Feelings
Dollars
Session

More quotes by Emo Philips

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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
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I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.
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They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
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I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
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I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
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My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
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Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
Emo Philips
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
Emo Philips