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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Without
Street
Even
Couldn
Streets
Bets
Parents
Placing
Humor
Protective
Parent
Cross
Getting
Crosses
Funny
Excited

More quotes by Emo Philips

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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
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I was feeling a bit down, I went to a therapist a few times, at a hundred bucks a pop. But then I realized that no therapy session would ever cheer me up half as much as if I was just strolling along and found a hundred dollar bill.
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You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
Emo Philips
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I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
Emo Philips
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
Emo Philips
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Girls throw their panties on the stage, but rarely if ever do they fit.
Emo Philips
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
Emo Philips
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
Emo Philips