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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Without
Street
Even
Couldn
Streets
Bets
Parents
Placing
Humor
Protective
Parent
Cross
Getting
Crosses
Funny
Excited

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
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There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
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New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, I'd like a card. He says, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.
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Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
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They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
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I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
Emo Philips