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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Parent
Cross
Getting
Crosses
Funny
Excited
Without
Street
Even
Couldn
Streets
Bets
Parents
Placing
Humor
Protective

More quotes by Emo Philips

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When I was a kid, my goodness, corporate America was a bunch of stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be serious, and now it's stolid white guys in gray suits trying to be funny.
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I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
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Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
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I'm totally normal in every respect, but I have this one quirk - I can't give out a number without laughing. It's a problem when I'm giving my credit card number over the phone because they always think: 'He must have just stolen it.'
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
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My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
Emo Philips
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
Emo Philips