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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
Emo Philips
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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Getting
Crosses
Funny
Excited
Without
Street
Even
Couldn
Streets
Bets
Parents
Placing
Humor
Protective
Parent
Cross
More quotes by Emo Philips
I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
Emo Philips
The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
Emo Philips
I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
Emo Philips
My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
Emo Philips
For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
Emo Philips
A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
Emo Philips
I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
Emo Philips
In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
Emo Philips
My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
Emo Philips
I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
Emo Philips
I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
Emo Philips
When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips
Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
Emo Philips
The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
Emo Philips
I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
Emo Philips
My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
Emo Philips
Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
Emo Philips
My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips
Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
