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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Even
Couldn
Streets
Bets
Parents
Placing
Humor
Protective
Parent
Cross
Getting
Crosses
Funny
Excited
Without
Street

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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
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