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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Something
Upside
Like
Turning
Humor
Small
Child
Often
Find
Children

More quotes by Emo Philips

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The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, I'd like a card. He says, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
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Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.
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I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
Emo Philips
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
Emo Philips
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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
Emo Philips
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I pray a simple prayer every morning. It's an ecumenical prayer. Whether you're Catholic or Jewish or Muslim or Hindu, I think it speaks to the heart of every faith. It goes “Lord please break the laws of the universe for my convenience. Amen.”
Emo Philips
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
Emo Philips