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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Picked
Hiker
Hitch

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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My sister gained 80 pounds expecting her baby. Well, you get nervous, waiting for those adoption papers to clear.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, Emo, don't go near the cellar door! One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, I'd like a card. He says, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him.
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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Recently, I've ventured into the mammal family - so that's good for my sex life.
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Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
Emo Philips
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
Emo Philips
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
Emo Philips
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
Emo Philips
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
Emo Philips
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
Emo Philips
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
Emo Philips
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You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.
Emo Philips
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
Emo Philips
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Emo Philips