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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Pretty
Funny
Girl
Used
Confessed
Scared
Girls
Humor

More quotes by Emo Philips

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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
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I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
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I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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I started doing stand-up at the age of 20. This was back in 1976, around the time (coincidence?) that the first comedy clubs were starting. The young comedians of today gasp when I tell them how many shows I did that first year: 500. Five nights a week.
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I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
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I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
Emo Philips