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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Scared
Girls
Humor
Pretty
Funny
Girl
Used
Confessed

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
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I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
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Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
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I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
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I told my wife she looks sexy with black fingernails. Now she thinks I slammed the car door on her hand on purpose.
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
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You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
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At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
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I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
Emo Philips
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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