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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Volleyball
Ambiguity
Devil
Humor
Funny

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
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The American government is making nuclear weapons like there's no tomorrow.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
Emo Philips