Quote

I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Humor
Says
Ruby
Comedy
Rubies
Asks
Hello
Funny
Jack
Father
Marry
Girlfriend
Asked

More quotes by Emo Philips

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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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In college I was one of six males who auditioned for five male roles in a comedy play. I was the one rejected. At that moment I made up my mind never to place myself at the mercy of some pompous, goateed, black-turtleneck-shirted should I yay him or nay him? pantywaist ever again.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
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I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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When I was a kid my parents used to tell me, Emo, don't go near the cellar door! One day when they were away, I went up to the cellar door. And I pushed it and walked through and saw strange, wonderful things, things I had never seen before, like... trees. Grass. Flowers. The sun... that was nice... the sun.
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When I was a kid, I slept on rubber sheets, but now, I'm a man. And I can take the wetness!
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I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.
Emo Philips