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Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Children
Humorous
Good
Worked
Humor
Comedy
Days
Happened
Whatever
Parenting
Funny
Factories

More quotes by Emo Philips

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My sister married a German. He complained he couldn't get a good bagel back home. I said: 'Well, whose fault is that?'
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
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My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
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I love England. In fact, they're getting to know me so well at Heathrow Immigration that this time I was able to completely bypass the six months rabies quarantine.
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
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New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, I'd like a card. He says, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
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When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
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I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
Emo Philips
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You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
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There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
Emo Philips