Quote

Whatever happened to the good ole days, when children worked in factories?

Emo Philips

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Days
Happened
Whatever
Parenting
Funny
Factories
Children
Humorous
Good
Worked
Humor
Comedy

More quotes by Emo Philips

Image
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
Emo Philips
Image
When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
Emo Philips
Image
When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
Emo Philips
Image
There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
Emo Philips
Image
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
Emo Philips
Image
I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
Emo Philips
Image
I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
Emo Philips
Image
You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
Emo Philips
Image
I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
Emo Philips
Image
My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
Emo Philips
Image
My first job as a kid was going from door to door selling Christmas cards, to raise money for my grandmother's hip replacement. Because, you know... You break it, you buy it.
Emo Philips
Image
I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
Image
I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
Emo Philips
Image
I caught my wife in bed with another man and I was crushed. So I said, Get off of me, you two!
Emo Philips
Image
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
Image
I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
Emo Philips
Image
A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
Emo Philips
Image
I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
Emo Philips
Image
Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
Emo Philips
Image
My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don't even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
Emo Philips