Quote

In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

Emo Philips

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Gun
Gave
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Didn
School
Searched
Way
Guns

More quotes by Emo Philips

Image
You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back.
Emo Philips
Image
I give money to Unicef because I like the 'bang for your buck' aspect. Here's $10, go and save 1,000 kids from blindness!
Emo Philips
Image
My sister just had a baby. We can have company over. She'll be in front of everyone with her um... breast... out feeding it. You know... cereal or whatever.
Emo Philips
Image
I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them.
Emo Philips
Image
Once I was in a restaurant and I dropped my fork on the floor, and they gave me a new fork. So I pushed my girlfriend out of her chair.
Emo Philips
Image
I don't have to tell you folks about scuba diving. So, that'll save some time.
Emo Philips
Image
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Emo Philips
Image
You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.
Emo Philips
Image
I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.
Emo Philips
Image
Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
Image
I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
Emo Philips
Image
I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
Image
I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
Emo Philips
Image
Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
Emo Philips
Image
I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
Emo Philips
Image
I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
Emo Philips
Image
I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
Emo Philips
Image
They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
Emo Philips
Image
Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
Emo Philips
Image
The Scots are a very tough people. They have drive-by headbuttings. In Glasgow a sweatband is considered a silencer.
Emo Philips