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Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Good
Kill
Time
Members
Life
Pretty
Worst
Probably
Family
Member
Persons
Otherwise
Person
Devil

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
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Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
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My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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I've always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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I've always suffered from a complete inability to sense who's important.
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
Emo Philips
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I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
Emo Philips