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Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Persons
Otherwise
Person
Devil
Kill
Good
Members
Time
Pretty
Life
Worst
Probably
Family
Member

More quotes by Emo Philips

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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
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I've always kind of pushed the envelope in terms of trying to get away with things no one else was going near. I always thought of myself like a mouse trying to get cheese that no one else could get without getting their tail snipped off.
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I wanted to get from 4th street to 8th... Then I remembered Einstein postulating that parallel lines eventually meet. They're dredging my car from Lake Michigan as we speak.
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I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
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Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
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My grandmother's brain was dead, but her heart was still beating. It was the first time we ever had a democrat in the family.
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I'm learning Cuban. It's like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
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A Mormon told me that they don't drink coffee. I said, A cup of coffee every day gives you wonderful benefits. He said, Like what? I said, Well, it keeps you from being Mormon ...
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
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Well, my brother says 'Hello.' So, hooray for speech therapy.
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Everyone, everywhere, and all the time, used to laugh at me when I was growing up. So, when I was around 18, I thought, 'I'll become a comedian, and then if everyone laughs at me, I'll be famous.' So I went on stage one night and, for the first time in my life, everyone stopped laughing at me.
Emo Philips
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It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
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When I went to college, my parents threw a going away party for me, according to the letter.
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I'm not a Republican... but I am saving up to be one.
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My computer beat me at checkers, but I sure beat it at kickboxing.
Emo Philips