Quote

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

Emo Philips

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Probably
Family
Member
Persons
Otherwise
Person
Devil
Good
Kill
Time
Members
Life
Pretty
Worst

More quotes by Emo Philips

Image
Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
Emo Philips
Image
My dad and I, we used to play baseball. I was the catcher. Which I liked. Until one day, I saw this game on TV, and I said, Hang on, how come their catcher doesn't have his hands tied to his ankles?
Emo Philips
Image
People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
Emo Philips
Image
When I was a kid, my nickname was Mr. Baseball. Because of the stitches.
Emo Philips
Image
I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
Emo Philips
Image
When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
Emo Philips
Image
I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
Emo Philips
Image
If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
Emo Philips
Image
I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
Emo Philips
Image
There's a joke in everything, the trick is finding it. The best compliment a joke can get is what Huxley said about Darwin's theory of evolution - 'Why didn't I think of that?'
Emo Philips
Image
The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
Emo Philips
Image
I lent a friend of mine $10,000 for plastic surgery and now I don't know what he looks like.
Emo Philips
Image
Coming up with a funny joke is like falling in love: It can hit you any time, anywhere. Having said that, the more you put yourself out there, the better your odds will be.
Emo Philips
Image
I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
Emo Philips
Image
I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.
Emo Philips
Image
I don't know how electricity works. All I know is that it calms me.
Emo Philips
Image
Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
Image
I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
Emo Philips
Image
Ambiguity — the Devil's volleyball.
Emo Philips
Image
Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
Emo Philips