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I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Ducked
Gay
Following
Large
Humor
Comedy
Funny
Alleyway
Lost
Alleyways

More quotes by Emo Philips

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If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I'm seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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I've been wrestling with reality for most of my life. I'm pleased to say I've won.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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I asked the head musician if I could go onstage during the next break and he said sure. I got two laughs in twenty minutes, and walked out feeling more elated than I had ever felt in my entire life. The glory of that triumph contented me for two full years.
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I was a cute baby. My mom said when I was born they threw away the mold. Some of it grew back.
Emo Philips
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Anger punishes the bearer's heart. Who remains angry suffers most. For many, the search for perfection virtually guarantees it will be found, and disregarded in order to continue the search. Some mornings it just doesn't seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
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They have a sign at the beach, no glass bottles. I think that's so the other sand particles don't feel like underachievers.
Emo Philips
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I find you can often find humor just by turning something upside-down. Like a... small child.
Emo Philips
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Countries are making nuclear weapons like there is no tomorrow.
Emo Philips
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Now there's a seven-day waiting period to buy a gun. Who can stay mad that long?
Emo Philips
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I like to play chess with bald men in the park although it's hard to find 32 of them.
Emo Philips
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I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
Emo Philips
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I picked up a hitch hiker. You've got to when you hit them.
Emo Philips
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I don't really hang out with people. I like to be by myself. In fact, I've been arrested a few times because I like to walk around at two or three in the morning, looking at shop windows. The cops take me to the station and fingerprint me. But I wouldn't call that hanging out.
Emo Philips
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Christmas seems to start earlier and earlier every year. Like, this time, it's on December 25th.
Emo Philips
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For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
Emo Philips
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My parents were very protective. I couldn't even cross the street without them getting all excited, and placing bets.
Emo Philips
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When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
Emo Philips
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I think the whole concept of monotheism is a gift from the gods.
Emo Philips