Quote

I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him.

Emo Philips

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Humor
Comedy
Alleyway
Funny
Alleyways
Lost
Ducked
Gay
Following
Large

More quotes by Emo Philips

Image
My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
Emo Philips
Image
My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
Emo Philips
Image
I think of my body as a temple. Or at least a relatively well-managed Presbyterian youth center.
Emo Philips
Image
For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
Emo Philips
Image
If you're worth over $50m you should have to dress like that guy on the Monopoly box. The super-rich shouldn't get all the benefits of looking like a regular guy.
Emo Philips
Image
I used to be scared of pretty girls, until one confessed they're just as scared of me.
Emo Philips
Image
Writer's block is a myth. I never see the gardeners suffering from gardening block.
Emo Philips
Image
I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
Image
I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
Image
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Emo Philips
Image
I'm not Catholic, but I gave up picking my belly button for lint.
Emo Philips
Image
I was walking down the street the other day and these construction workers were working on the roof hammering away. One of them told me I was a paranoid lunatic... in morse code.
Emo Philips
Image
The other day a woman came up to me and said, Didn't I see you on television? I said, I don't know. You can't see out the other way.
Emo Philips
Image
I learned about sex the hard way... from books.
Emo Philips
Image
New York's such a wonderful city. Although I was at the library today. The guy was very rude. I said, I'd like a card. He says, You have to prove you're a citizen of New York. So I stabbed him.
Emo Philips
Image
I grew up in an era when strange adults would grab me on the street and say: 'Don't do that.' You never see that these days. 'Hi, we took the liberty of spanking your son.' Oh thanks, my hand was getting worn.
Emo Philips
Image
At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.
Emo Philips
Image
I saw a psychologist once because I thought I had depression. It cost me $100. When I left, I realised that there's nothing he could have said that would cheer me up as much as if I found a $100 bill on my way home.
Emo Philips
Image
When I was a kid my dad would say, Emo, do you believe in the Lord? I'd say, Yes! He'd say, Then stand up and shout Hallelujah! So I would ... and I'd fall out of the roller coaster.
Emo Philips
Image
I have a lot more things to talk about now because I'm an adult.
Emo Philips