Quote

At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote.

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Funny
Glasses
Away
Dollars
Refill
Used
Second
Refills
Give
Humor
Lemonade
Firsts
Comedy
Contained
First
Stand
Antidote
Giving
Five
Charge
Free
Glass

More quotes by Emo Philips

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I went into the gas station, said, Fill 'er up, Harry. The guy said, Regular? I said, No, put on a gorrila suit and dance like a fairy.
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The battle of the sexes will never be won as long as we keep sleeping with the enemy.
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The other night, the president gave a speech. He said, children are our most prescious natural resource. I thought, let's hope it never comes to that.
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Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
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They call me Good Time Emo. Because I love a good time! And my name is Emo.
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For some reason, religious jokes seem as trivial as jokes about food or driving.
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He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
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A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
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Every time I see Dan Quayle I feel like buying a vowel.
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When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas.
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You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers...damn anthropologists.
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People come up to me and say, 'Emo, do people really come up to you?'
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I got a letter from the IRS. Apparently I owe them $800. So I sent them a letter back. I said, If you'll remember, I fastened my return with a paper clip, which according to your very own latest government pentagon spending figures will more than make up for the difference.
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When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.
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My dad always said, If someone hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Plus that also works wonderfully as a metaphor.
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But I like to swim. At high school, I tried out for the swim team. I shaved off all my body hair, and that extra burst of speed from all the bullies shouting Kill the fairy.
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Charlie Chaplin is the greatest artist of the 20th century. He takes me from laughter to tears in seconds. And he was one of the very first funny men. It's like the original violins were made in Cremona and there's never been any better since. Sometimes the best come right off the bat.
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Sex is logically impossible after marriage. You have to overcome the paradox of Not this again, and Hey, where did you learn that?
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