Quote

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

Emo Philips

Change background

T
T
T

Change font

TAGS & TOPICS

Emo Philips
Age: 68
Born: 1956
Born: February 7
Comedian
Film Actor
Stand-Up Comedy
Chicago
Illinois
Friend
Funny
Next
Kids
Imaginary
Witty
Door
Friendship
Doors

More quotes by Emo Philips

Image
I was walking down fifth avenue today and I found a wallet, and I was gonna keep it, rather than return it, but I thought: well, if I lost a hundred and fifty dollars, how would I feel? And I realized I would want to be taught a lesson.
Emo Philips
Image
He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites.
Emo Philips
Image
Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.
Emo Philips
Image
My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often.
Emo Philips
Image
I always wanted a beautiful loving wife and she always wanted to be a citizen.
Emo Philips
Image
I've always had a special place in my heart for old women digging through garbage bins. They saved my life so many times as a baby.
Emo Philips
Image
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Emo Philips
Image
When I was 10, I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage.
Emo Philips
Image
Thinking up jokes is easy. The hard part is trying them out on stage, because you never know if they're funny until you get there. Not one comedian in the world ever really knows.
Emo Philips
Image
I never cheated on my wife. I took seriously those vows of celibacy.
Emo Philips
Image
Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.
Emo Philips
Image
You should get married. When I was younger, I was into the fame and fortune, and now I realize that a loving wife and happy children - that's life's greatest consolation prize.
Emo Philips
Image
I had a very close relationship with another kid when I was growing up. I was his imaginary friend.
Emo Philips
Image
A friend of mine gave me a Philip Glass record. I listened to it for five hours before I realized it had a scratch on it.
Emo Philips
Image
One man's pet-stained carpet is another man's Twister game.
Emo Philips
Image
Once I posed nude for a magazine. I've never been back to THAT newstand.
Emo Philips
Image
The subconscious is like having a laboratory assistant who pretends to love you and help you, but after you go home to go to sleep it goes back into the lab and starts fumbling with the data and destroying it. It's a very tricky thing. People think our minds are us, but that's not true at all. The mind is not us.
Emo Philips
Image
My parents had very strict rules for me. Rules like, I couldn't be home until a certain hour.
Emo Philips
Image
If you can make just one person laugh, then you are already doing better than Tony Danza.
Emo Philips
Image
It's amazing where a joke might come from. I find a lot of humour just by metaphorically turning things upside down or literally like my wife's cat.
Emo Philips