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He was only twenty-five.He was young enough to miss his youth just as it was slipping away. The worst kind of loss-the one that is happening as you feel it.

Emma Forrest

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Emma Forrest
Age: 48
Born: 1976
Born: December 26
Film Director
Journalist
Novelist
Screenwriter
Writer
London
England
Worst
Twenty
Five
Twenties
Away
Happenings
Young
Miss
Enough
Happening
Feel
Missing
Feels
Loss
Kind
Youth
Slipping

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The truth is I have had, for whatever reason, several movie-star boyfriends.
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At least you know where you are with blood. At least other people can see it.
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I didn't know there was something really wrong, because everyone was crazy. It's just that everyone else was still functional. I didn't realize that I was any worse off.
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This boy has negative charisma. He walks into a room and the oxygen starts to evaporate. I guess that's why girls sleep with him. They find his awfulness transfixing. He's like a lousy 1970's disaster movie that they can't bring themselves to turn off, even though it is making their life worse every minute they leave it on.
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I finally accept that not only do I not understand the death of my relationship, but I do not need to. These men were good and kind to me, they loved me and I loved them back and the shock at the finish holds no wisdom. The revelation is not that I lost them, but that I had them.
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Write a page every single day, even if what you put on the page that day is no good - it's the only way to get better.
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I do think everything that happens in American pop culture sort of prescribes for England and does end up happening there six months later, maybe a year.
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My radar, after all these years of sanity, is still off when it comes to what people do or don't mean.
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It took a long time, but my heart now feels full when I think of him. When you fall in love again—which I have—it's funny the other things that come back in with that open-ness. You have this ghost chorus of the lovers who came before, but they're benign now, they're good spirits.
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Well. There is a psychiatric occurrence we see in men-not often women-where they put all their hopes and dreams onto one person, so intensely that at some point it trips a wire in the brain circuitry, and that causes them to go, in a minute, 180 degrees the other way.
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He was a super shiny boy and I liked the shape of him. Under the blanket. In the shower. I liked his shadow on the street and his imprint on the sofa. I hated the smell of hair gel on his head, but I loved it on the pillow. I love the smell of losing someone.
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I still believe that you truly find yourself not in travel, but in other human souls.
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I'm in love with someone good and kind and gentle, and he's seen the darkness too, but somehow we've become each other's light.
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When you live with voices in your head, you are drawn inextricably to voices outside your head. Very often the voices work to confirm your worst suspicions. Or think of things you could never have imagined! There are only so many hours of the day to hate yourself.
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If killing yourself is not an option anymore, you have to sink into the darkness instead, and make something out of it.
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Jeff Bridges says that the reason he's one of the few stars in Hollywood whose made his marriage last for decades is that every time they think there's no more doors left to walk through in the room, they just keep looking and keep looking until they find one.
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Cyndi Lauper was hilarious and generous, someone I'd loved from childhood who didn't disappoint.
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There is that doll dress-up quality of adorable teenage girl writer, and I never felt either as adorable as I was supposed to be, or as dark as the rumors, you know, She must have slept with the editor, and I was like, Oh my god, I'm still a virgin. It was very strange.
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What people don't understand when you've already been a suicide and pulled through is that after the sadness comes fear: Where is my mind going with this? I don't want to die. I do not want to die. When you don't have so much control over your own thoughts, over the myriad voices in your head, you don't know where they could go.
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I think that's the function of a lot of psychiatrists and therapists, is keeping people afloat just long enough for them to get older.
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