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It's all in her walk, a cartoon swagger. Part Jayne Mansfield, part Muhammad Ali. Men never know if it's an invitation upstairs or an invitation outside.
Emma Forrest
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Emma Forrest
Age: 48
Born: 1976
Born: December 26
Film Director
Journalist
Novelist
Screenwriter
Writer
London
England
Never
Invitation
Men
Invitations
Muhammad
Cartoon
Outside
Walk
Mansfield
Walks
Swagger
Part
Upstairs
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I do think everything that happens in American pop culture sort of prescribes for England and does end up happening there six months later, maybe a year.
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It took a long time, but my heart now feels full when I think of him. When you fall in love again—which I have—it's funny the other things that come back in with that open-ness. You have this ghost chorus of the lovers who came before, but they're benign now, they're good spirits.
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I think a neurotic learns from their mistakes. A psychotic does not.
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I still believe that you truly find yourself not in travel, but in other human souls.
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Time heals all wounds. And if it doesn't, you name them something other than wounds and agree to let them stay.
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Cyndi Lauper was hilarious and generous, someone I'd loved from childhood who didn't disappoint.
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It's as if he can no longer acknowledge the love he felt or the pain I am in. I have been dismissed. I don't think I was smarter or as beautiful as the other girls he did this to. It's just that I was me. It was all I had.
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I would say at the moment the only person who could have played me this past year would have to be Angelina Jolie.
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There's so much guilt there attached to having a perfectly good life.
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You want to know, but are afraid to ask, whether or not I found someone. If there could be anyone to fill that hole in my heart after I lost him. I did. Life is futile, says my new therapist, Michaela, and no one gets out of it alive. There is only love.
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I finally accept that not only do I not understand the death of my relationship, but I do not need to. These men were good and kind to me, they loved me and I loved them back and the shock at the finish holds no wisdom. The revelation is not that I lost them, but that I had them.
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Write a page every single day, even if what you put on the page that day is no good - it's the only way to get better.
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Someone asked me the other day, Oh your story is like Cameron Crowe's, he has the same thing of having been a teenage journalist, but he was a guy and you just add gender into the mix, it's a 16-year-old girl with adults and rock stars, and it's tough.
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Of course he freaked me out. Of course it's nothing to do with me. But none of that matters. He loved me and now he doesn't. I was everything to him and now I am nothing.
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I'm in love with someone good and kind and gentle, and he's seen the darkness too, but somehow we've become each other's light.
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At least you know where you are with blood. At least other people can see it.
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What people don't understand when you've already been a suicide and pulled through is that after the sadness comes fear: Where is my mind going with this? I don't want to die. I do not want to die. When you don't have so much control over your own thoughts, over the myriad voices in your head, you don't know where they could go.
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Now that he's gone, I feel like I'm a senior citizen who gave away her life savings over the phone. And this is the crux: I never in my life believed in someone as much as I believed in him. The shame is overwhelming.
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You’re like Marilyn Monroe,’ Ken tells me, which I take as a compliment and say a nervous “Thank You”. Interrupting, he adds, ‘You’re all velvet and Velcro. Men want you because you’re sexy and broken and when it gets too rough they can say “Hey! This toy is broken!” and toss you aside without feeling bad.
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Yes, I have patterns of love addiction. But I'm a woman. Of course I do.
Emma Forrest