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The truth is, I've always been afraid of letting anyone get too close. I built a wall around me, a barricade to hide behind those few times someone wanted entry to my heart.

Ellen Hopkins

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Ellen Hopkins
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: March 26
Novelist
Writer
Long Beach
California
Ellen Louise Hopkins
Heart
Behind
Entry
Always
Anyone
Letting
Perfect
Hide
Times
Built
Someone
Close
Around
Afraid
Truth
Behinds
Barricade
Wanted
Wall
Barricades

More quotes by Ellen Hopkins

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But, though I was very much in lust with him, I knew from the start we were nothing like forever. Maybe because forever is such a scary place.
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Girls are impossible to satisfy. Not every girl. Not me. I'd be happy if he'd just like me a little.
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Only by confronting your demons can you ever hope to conquer them.
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Possibilities ...in the closet ...itching ...to break out ...but afraid of ...the fallout
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But then, my entire life is bullshit. The best things in it have vanished, ghosts. Ghosts I'll admit I created.
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I don't love him, & he definitely doesn't love me. Still, he semi-fills a gaping black hole inside me. That place wants love, maybe even needs love, but love is something Im pretty sure doesn't exist.
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No way to get away. No way to get away. Little change to sneak away... insanity.
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God wasn't love, couldn't be love. Because for me, love was a corpse.
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I'm a total wreck. Afraid to let anyone near. Afraid they'll see the real me.
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Forgiveness isn’t my best thing. Easier staying pissed. But I’m tired of being pissed all the time. Tired of feeling hurt by stuff that can never be fixed because it is an indelible part of the past.
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I nod, because I do understand. I'm just not sure how to go about divorcing myself from the evil I've already accepted.
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You gotta be crazy to open your windows, invite the demons in.
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Losing It Some days I think I'm losing my mind. What seems so clear most of the time becomes a big question mark. Am I really the way I percieve myself, or is the person others see the truth of me? I wait for answers, but inside I know I have to go out and find them. And answers like knowledge, are not always where we first look for them.
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Communication Was never big in my house. We sat together over dinner, but the only sound you'd hear was crunching and chewing and the little ones asking for more, please. We lived, all boxed up in invisible containers. We hardly knew the people we called sister or father. Jackie and I were the exceptions to that rule.
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Don't make me laugh, I'd much rather cry.
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The problem with falling in love is falling back out of it again, usually because you've fallen in love with a lie. That happens as often as not.
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My happiest memories have no place in the past they are those I have yet to create.
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empty and closed, hovering in some frozen netherworld neither sun nor rain could thaw.
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That's what I'll be. A silhouette, rarely seen, and yet believed in. Kaeleigh wants to believe in me. I am her twin, forever alive inside her. And when she needs me, I am always here.
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Ghosts don't scare me. Flesh and blood people do.
Ellen Hopkins