Quote

Cleansed, chlorinated to the point of chemical peel, sore muscles relieved, I felt almost human again. Tiptoe to my room, up a darkened hall, past closed doors, I wondered if I'd ever feel completely human again.

Ellen Hopkins

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Ellen Hopkins
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: March 26
Novelist
Writer
Long Beach
California
Ellen Louise Hopkins
Chemical
Human
Doors
Hall
Tiptoe
Humans
Room
Wondered
Tiptoes
Feel
Rooms
Chemicals
Cleansed
Feels
Almost
Halls
Darkened
Point
Closed
Peel
Felt
Muscles
Sore
Past
Relieved
Ever
Completely

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Something stirred beneath my skin, some being inside I'd only suspected existed, demon or angel, I couldn't say.
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Smile. Nod. Say something witty before he finds out what an incredible geek you are.
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I'd like to cry now. Don't know how.
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Sometimes I'm not so sure just who I am either.
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I know I can't stay here forever
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Death Is only the easy way out if you are the one who dies.
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I haven't cried since Mom died. I mean, after something like that, what's left to cry about, right? But I let myself cry now. Loss is loss. Doesn't take death to create it. (266)
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That's what I'll be. A silhouette, rarely seen, and yet believed in. Kaeleigh wants to believe in me. I am her twin, forever alive inside her. And when she needs me, I am always here.
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I tattered their wings and tore off their legs, joint by joint, watched them crawl in circles, like little lost infants, untill they decide to die.
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I feel like a goddess, jailed in her Olympus. Little wonder how the gods toyed with humans. Toyed with women, to watch them squirm, pollinate the seeds of despair toyed with men, to satiate their Seven Deadly Sins.
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Forgiveness isn’t my best thing. Easier staying pissed. But I’m tired of being pissed all the time. Tired of feeling hurt by stuff that can never be fixed because it is an indelible part of the past.
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Love without trust is nothing more than infatuation.
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THE BAD THING ABOUT FEAR Is it requires a reaction. Some hide. Some cry. But, like a dog condemned to a walled yard with no hope of escape or affection, some learn to bite.
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The problem with being grounded is it gives you a whole lot of unavoidable time to think. NOt even pulling weeds can take away your ability to plot all the varied and wonderful things you might do to get even, or at least to make up, just get a smidgen for time lost to TV and yard work and house cleaning.
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Possibilities ...in the closet ...itching ...to break out ...but afraid of ...the fallout
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I'm a total wreck. Afraid to let anyone near. Afraid they'll see the real me.
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Detailed descriptions, abstract ambitions, relevant observations, your's and mine.
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Afraid to Die Loveless Because I think if you die without knowing love in this life, that's how you'll spend eternity. Alone. Frozen.
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The truth is, I've always been afraid of letting anyone get too close. I built a wall around me, a barricade to hide behind those few times someone wanted entry to my heart.
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It's just so hard to feel good, you know? I do know. And more than that, it's just so incredibly hard to feel. (54)
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