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i expected demands. he gifted me with tenderness. i expected ego. he let me experiment. i expected disrespect. he called me beautiful. i expected him to expect perfection. he taught me all i needed to know.

Ellen Hopkins

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Ellen Hopkins
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: March 26
Novelist
Writer
Long Beach
California
Ellen Louise Hopkins
Demand
Gifted
Needed
Experiment
Taught
Demands
Called
Ego
Beautiful
Experiments
Expected
Perfection
Disrespect
Expect
Tenderness

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Ask me, it's a sin to pervert faith with religion. Despite every church, mosque, & synagogue in it, this is not the world any God worth his salt would have created.
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God i've missed you. I can't wait to give you your present. He kisses me hotter this time, and beneath me, through his denim and mine. I can feel the promise of his Christmas gift soon to come.
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But then, my entire life is bullshit. The best things in it have vanished, ghosts. Ghosts I'll admit I created.
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Have to Find ...life ...is ...a— ...gamble ...after ...all.
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When You Weren't Looking ...why. ...Can't you ...care ...more ...about ...me.
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Innocence eroded into nightmare. All because of very bad touch. Love, corrupted.
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Love without trust is nothing more than infatuation.
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Maybe Life is random. No fate. No God. Just Time.
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I want to open myself, let him inside. But how do I give what has already been taken?
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But death doesn't scare me. To know exactly when I might expect it, up close and in my face, would actually be a comfort. Because to tell the truth, most of the time dying seems pretty much like my only means of escape.
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I nod, because I do understand. I'm just not sure how to go about divorcing myself from the evil I've already accepted.
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Before you, I believed love was making love. Waiting only makes me love you more.
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One foot in front of the other, counting tiles on the floor so I don't have to focus the blur of painted smiles, fake faces.
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Forever has no meaning when you're living in the moment. I wasn't ready for that moment to end.
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As the old saying goes, sometimes loving someone means letting them go.
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Possibilities ...in the closet ...itching ...to break out ...but afraid of ...the fallout
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They think old people are lame. But they're not. They're awesome, & I know exactly why I think so. It's because they've lived entire lifetimes. Loved. Laughed. Surrendered. Stumbled. Weathered, beaten, still they don't crumble, not even as they inch toward death.
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I'm a total wreck. Afraid to let anyone near. Afraid they'll see the real me.
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I feel like a goddess, jailed in her Olympus. Little wonder how the gods toyed with humans. Toyed with women, to watch them squirm, pollinate the seeds of despair toyed with men, to satiate their Seven Deadly Sins.
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I'd like to cry now. Don't know how.
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