Quote

I hate this feeling. Like I'm here, but I'm not. Like someone cares. But they don't. Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here, and escape lies just past that snowy window, cool and crisp as the February air.

Ellen Hopkins

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Ellen Hopkins
Age: 69
Born: 1955
Born: March 26
Novelist
Writer
Long Beach
California
Ellen Louise Hopkins
Feelings
Somewhere
Crisp
Else
Cool
Crisps
Someone
Window
Crank
Past
Air
February
Care
Lies
Cares
Like
Feeling
Belong
Lying
Escape
Hate
Anywhere
Snowy

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So when he asked about getting high, I didn't think, I agreed. We smoked some good California green. Took three tries to put me in the place he said I should be.
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Whatever has happened in someone's past, the future is theirs to shape. The first step is to find a way out.
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Eventually, it becomes a matter of scale. When the good outweighs the bad, you stay. When the bad is the only thing you notice anymore, you think about your future, or what's left of it, consider options.
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Forever has no meaning when you're living in the moment. I wasn't ready for that moment to end.
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One foot in front of the other, counting tiles on the floor so I don't have to focus the blur of painted smiles, fake faces.
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I really have to wonder who or what made Daddy become this way. Babies aren't born cruel or filled with sick desire. Evil is not intrinsic. It's fashioned.
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Just keep on shining that light. The rest will take care of itself.
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Anger is easier than forgiveness.
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Sad, that lives can be shattered, into so many pieces that they can never be put back together, the the relentless force of love. Irreparable.
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Too much to take in, too much to purge. Why must every memory, once sweet, dead end in such ugliness?
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Some secrets can't be kept too long. No matter how hard you try to hide them, sooner or later they scurry out from your cupboards, cockroaches on the run.
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Alone, there is only the person inside. I've grown to like her better than the stuck-up husk of me. Alone, there is no perfect daughter, no gifted high school junior, no Kristina Georgia Snow. There is only Bree. (Ellen Hopkins)
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I mean, if you're gonna purposely lose your mind, you want to get it back some day. Don't you? Okay, maybe not.
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Hot flush, raging bluch. Ice flash, instant crash.
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Always before, I just said no, left it solidly there. I waver now. I want to share everything with him. Want to know what he knows, feel what he feels, share the same space he's in.
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Memory is a tenuous thing, like a rainbow's end or a camera with a failing lens.
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In control. Out of control. Sometimes they're the same thing. The trick is knowing that, realizing it's okay to feel out of control once in a while, as long as you're sure you can regain the upper hand when you absolutely need to.
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I write books for young adults because I truly connect with them on some very deep level. They are our hope, our future, and inspiring them to be the best they can be is very important to me.
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empty and closed, hovering in some frozen netherworld neither sun nor rain could thaw.
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When all else fails, dream bigger.
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