Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers... I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says 'open here.' Is that sarcasm?
Ellen DeGeneres
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Ellen DeGeneres
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 26
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Presenter
Screenwriter
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Metairie
Louisiana
Ellen Lee DeGeneres
Bought
Couldn
Says
Open
Government
Sarcasm
Mean
Layers
Trying
Plastic
Like
Tape
More quotes by Ellen DeGeneres
I love furniture. And I thought, why are we not seeing who's making the cool new coffee table and these new designs that come out?
Ellen DeGeneres
I think there's a whole bunch of things that go along with being a girl. You're not supposed to have opinions or be tough or strong. You're supposed to be soft and vulnerable, and I find those qualities important in both men and women.
Ellen DeGeneres
You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic.
Ellen DeGeneres
I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good.
Ellen DeGeneres
I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. Its been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch TV. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.
Ellen DeGeneres
Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.
Ellen DeGeneres
I cannot believe they haven't yet come up with a better screening process than the mammogram. If a man had to put his special parts inside a clamp to test him for anything, I think they would come up with a new plan before the doctor finished saying, Put that thing there so I can crush it.
Ellen DeGeneres
Baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex.
Ellen DeGeneres
Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path and by all means you should follow that. Don’t give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don’t take anyone’s advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.
Ellen DeGeneres
We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?
Ellen DeGeneres
For someone like me, who loves to sweat and push herself, it's a challenge to slow down, to sit, to breathe and hold poses.
Ellen DeGeneres
The way I see it... If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you're doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.
Ellen DeGeneres
Some of the most devastating things that happen to you will teach you the most
Ellen DeGeneres
Now airlines charge for everything... If the oxygen mask drops, you have to swipe your credit card to start the flow of the oxygen.
Ellen DeGeneres
Trying to get the talk show, looking back on it, we had to beg a lot of station managers to pick up the show because people thought no one would watch it because I'm openly gay.
Ellen DeGeneres
Something big happened over the weekend. Something that affects everybody, all over the world. George Clooney got married.
Ellen DeGeneres
Have you seen the deer heads on the walls of bars, the ones wearing party hats, sunglasses and streamers? I feel sorry for them because obviously they were at a party having a good time.
Ellen DeGeneres
I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going.
Ellen DeGeneres
Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
Ellen DeGeneres
When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important. It's hard to understand failure when you're going through it, but in the grand scheme of things it's good to fall down - not because you're drunk and not near stairs.
Ellen DeGeneres