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So, I bought a new CD and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers... I mean plastic and then tape, and the tape is like government tape. It says 'open here.' Is that sarcasm?
Ellen DeGeneres
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Ellen DeGeneres
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 26
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Presenter
Screenwriter
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Metairie
Louisiana
Ellen Lee DeGeneres
Like
Tape
Bought
Couldn
Says
Open
Government
Sarcasm
Mean
Layers
Trying
Plastic
More quotes by Ellen DeGeneres
My cat, Ethel, is an indoor cat but somehow she's sneakin' out at night. 'Cause the other morning I found a stamp on her paw... I wouldn't have noticed myself, but I just bought this new black light and she passed right under it and I said, 'Hey, what's that on you paw?
Ellen DeGeneres
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me! I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!
Ellen DeGeneres
No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.
Ellen DeGeneres
For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life.
Ellen DeGeneres
It's nice when people love you....for you.
Ellen DeGeneres
You know that song that asks, Why do fools fall in love?? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools.
Ellen DeGeneres
What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.
Ellen DeGeneres
You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet.
Ellen DeGeneres
The song 'If I Had a Hammer' is geared toward people who don't have a hammer. Maybe before I had a hammer I thought I'd hammer in the morning and hammer in the evening. But once you get a hammer, you find you don't really hammer as much as you thought you would.
Ellen DeGeneres
It's such an honor to receive the Mark Twain Prize. To get the same award that has been given to people like Bill Cosby, Tina Fey and Will Ferrell, it really makes me wonder… why didn't I get this sooner?
Ellen DeGeneres
The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.
Ellen DeGeneres
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
Ellen DeGeneres
Meditation is helping me learn to sit still. Twenty minutes of meditation in the morning is a nice way to start my day. If you can actually sit still and really get to that place of silence, you realize what's important and what's not important. Little things don't usually get to me anymore.
Ellen DeGeneres
My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
Ellen DeGeneres
Beauty is about being comfortable in your own skin. It's about knowing and accepting who you are.
Ellen DeGeneres
It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
Ellen DeGeneres
We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?
Ellen DeGeneres
My dog of 17 years just died. Oh you're kidding?... Noooo... as funny as that is, I'm not
Ellen DeGeneres
I think there's a whole bunch of things that go along with being a girl. You're not supposed to have opinions or be tough or strong. You're supposed to be soft and vulnerable, and I find those qualities important in both men and women.
Ellen DeGeneres
There's no one way to dance. And that's kind of my philosophy about everything.
Ellen DeGeneres