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I've learned 2 things about tv. It's always easier with vodka & SOME OF THE BEST SINGERS ARE FROM THE PHILIPPINES
Ellen DeGeneres
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Ellen DeGeneres
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 26
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Presenter
Screenwriter
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Metairie
Louisiana
Ellen Lee DeGeneres
Singers
Easier
Learned
Best
Always
Things
Philippines
Vodka
More quotes by Ellen DeGeneres
It feels good. Kinda like when you have to shut your computer down, just sometimes when it goes crazy, you just shut it down and when you turn it on, it's okay again. That's what meditation is to me.
Ellen DeGeneres
I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going.
Ellen DeGeneres
Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
Ellen DeGeneres
I know that experts say you're more likely to get hurt crossing the street than you are flying, but that doesn't make me any less frightened of flying. If anything, it makes me more afraid of crossing the street.
Ellen DeGeneres
You listen to any monologue on late-night TV or just in general, to people talking, and there's always a joke at someone's expense. It's sarcasm it's nasty. Kids grow up hearing that, and they think that's what humor is, and they think it's OK. But that negativity permeates the entire planet.
Ellen DeGeneres
I don't want to take a pill. Go to Africa, go follow some bushman around. He's being chased by a lion. That's stress. You're not going to find a pygmy on Paxil, I'll tell you that right now.
Ellen DeGeneres
Yeah I'm thirty-six, but on the show I'm thirty-two. Nobody wants to watch a thirty-six year old woman, so they decided to make me thirty-two. Much more appealing somehow.
Ellen DeGeneres
If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don't memorize numbers anymore.
Ellen DeGeneres
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.
Ellen DeGeneres
I have the worst memory ever so no matter who comes up to me - they're just, like, 'I can't believe you don't remember me! I'm like, 'Oh Dad I'm sorry!
Ellen DeGeneres
It must be around forty, when you're over the hill. I don't even know what that means and why it's a bad thing. When I go hiking and I get over the hill, that means I'm past the hard part and there's a snack in my future. That's a good thing as far as I'm concerned.
Ellen DeGeneres
What goes up must come down, which is why I don't wear tube tops.
Ellen DeGeneres
What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.
Ellen DeGeneres
Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor.
Ellen DeGeneres
The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.
Ellen DeGeneres
I don't know who had the bright idea of teaching pneumonia how to walk, but I'd like to find that dunderhead before he decides he wants to teach it how to drive.
Ellen DeGeneres
The good psychic would pick up the phone before it rang. Of course it is possible there was noone on the other line. Once she said God Bless you I said, I didn't sneeze She looked deep into my eyes and said, You will, eventually. And damn it if she wasn't right. Two days later I sneezed.
Ellen DeGeneres
Really, he called me that? Ellen DeGenerate? I've been getting that since fourth grade. I guess I'm happy I could give him work.
Ellen DeGeneres
Baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex.
Ellen DeGeneres
The song 'If I Had a Hammer' is geared toward people who don't have a hammer. Maybe before I had a hammer I thought I'd hammer in the morning and hammer in the evening. But once you get a hammer, you find you don't really hammer as much as you thought you would.
Ellen DeGeneres
